I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
