and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
