Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
