I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
