If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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