it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
