I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
