Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
please come you make the beer taste better
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
