you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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