I don't usually arrange sex via text message
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
