Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
