Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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