sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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