when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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