The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Randomize
