living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
