when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
