my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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