why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
