Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
