I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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