i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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