I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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