Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
