The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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