someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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