Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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