i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
