kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Randomize
