I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
