there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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