Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
