New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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