Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
