Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
two words...techno handjob
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
