I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
