The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
