can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
