when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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