So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
