Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mondays should just be called national damage control day
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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