there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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