corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
