I CAN MOONWALK!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
