Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
