if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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