My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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