Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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