Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
