my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
