I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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