apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
