Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
