if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
