Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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