I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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