Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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