im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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