i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
